1 of many letters from Me to you

Hi everyone! Idk how many readers I actually have on here. This site is more for me anyway, but if there are ppl who read this you guys are thoughtful. Anywhoo. I wanted to write on here b/c I find that I have let this page suffer. I use to have another blogger but I took it down b/c i was pretty much being stalked. So I was kinda discreet with this new one. I don't think I was every able to delete the old one but I kept it moving to this one.

I wanted to do something different with this blog. I already have one where I am candid, but i wanted to be the same way to a degree with this one. I remember ppl liked reading my poems b/c they could relate to some of the things i wrote about. Also it was another way for me to express myself. I still don't know what direction I want to take this blog, but I think I want to be as real as I can through my poetry and music that I enjoy and love to share. Oh and the occassional  journal entry from time to time.

Due to some events that have happened in my life (That i am trying to move on from), I have noticed that I have been bottling up my emotions. I've always been a gaurded person but now i have extra armor. However that effects my writing. If I can't tap into my feelings I can't write. So I have decided I am going to face them and write them down. Wish me luck b/c this won't be easy.

                                                                                                                Take Care,
                                                                                                                                -SmilingAmythest

Just a taste

What if I wore this perfume for him?
Would I be the bad guy,
If I dressed cute just for him.

Living only for the sake of me
Putting on the back-burner--
My monogamy.

Would you love me, just the same?
My darling that's how we got here.

If I settled for being a black ops widow
Because i got the attention from another
Would you be happy?

Would that make things easier?

If I dressed up horny men as friends,
And told you old flames were harmless
Would you still let me play in the smoke?

If your feelings were to hurt,
Would you take back every lie that you spoke?

If your feelings were to hurt,
Would you continue  to take me a joke?

Or play the victim who didn't see it coming.

My warnings fell on your deaf ears
I kept begging for you to listen
But now I'm silent!

Now you want me to talk

Tell you how I feel
But there are no words
Because to you they never existed.

You should have heard me the 1st TIME
Maybe then you wouldn't be wishing
That you could go back...

Sidewalk

I didn't walk here by myself
This path was laid before me.

Paved with misunderstandings,
and frustration
Your dragging feet etched in the stone.

Where is wrong and right
Turning a blind eye
Even when the focus is on you.

It's easy to say I'm paranoid
When I'm dealing with the facts.

Each step I take,
You make me feel like I'm playing the fool.

My heart no longer breaks
All it knows are these cracks.

Familiar in every way
Because just like time
A lazy lover left his mark.

Paved in procrastination
I will reach my destination.

If this is not where I should be
My love, remember one thing--

If this walk doesn't lead to a happy ending
You lead us here.