Friendship Ettiquette / get ur own damn man!

Do ppl know how to be friends these days? i am tired of folk claiming to be my friend and then doing things to betray my trust. Wth!?!?!

I had a friend check out my b/f which i didn't think was cute. 1) b/c it wasn't a generic compliment like "oh he's handsome." Or "he seems nice." There was something extra to the compliment. 2) they are know for being a snake in the grass. I was and am not feeling it. So if this isssue presents itself again it will be addressed.

But damn! Can i have a man to myself? If u guys are familiar with my blogs u are aware of how when i like a guy or they like me someone who is hella thirsty tries to come and put their straw in my cup!

I see why i keep to myself. And this seems to be a trend. This is a friendship taboo and social no-no. I don't check out other ppl's men. That's just not cool to me. And i'd like to surround myself with friends who know how to be friends. Have some respect for others and urself.

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this panda means business!

Omg i can't stop laughing!

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This is just a test of my new blogger app

So i just found an app for blogger. I am excited becuz this means i can blog more. Especially when i am bored. Currently i am on my way to the hospital to visit a friend of mine who is not feeling so well.

I relaxed my hair too and it is looking good. I gave myself a cholesterol treatment as well so i am loving how tame my hair is right now. I can't wait until i cut all this color out of my hair for the winter. This is the longest i have had my hair colored. Before i think it was 3 months.

Welp i am getting close to the hospital so i will update more later. Ttyl!

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The Cage you put me in

These walls you put around me
Cold and observant
Home to shadows
Obstructed view.

I desreve to smile
Yet you'd like to see me frown
Tears of worry
Fill this room.

But it's ok
Your world crumbles down
Those you knew,
Don't like what you've become.

It's easy to destroy another's world,
But can you repair your own?
The reality of your situation
Get inspired by my smile.

Instead of plotting
Work on you
Your life is worth the attention
Bitterness Misguided.

Even though you have tried
You cannot sdet it in stone
When all is said and done
What will you have accomplished?

Possibly getting stalked again

Ok so last night I got random unknown calls back to back from 1:48am-2:53am. How do i know that u might ask? Well the answer is simple. It woke me up a few time. I answered once and obviously someone was on the other line. All I heard was music and then they hung up. So I turned my phone on silent and went back to sleep. I figured my voicemail could keep them company.

When i checked my call log I saw it had 9 calls back to back from whomever felt bored enough to call me unknown. This is stupid. Why do ppl like to play on my phone? What the hell did I do to ppl that I have been going through what I have been going through?

I could see if i was a whore and i was breaking up happy homes. Having sex with your man and recording it on my camera phone so i can send it to u later. BUT NO!!!!!!!! I have been minding my business being an individual, in a committed relationship, and trying to better myself over all. I don't have time for the drama and when stuff like this happens it makes me wonder who I can trust? Especially when it comes to
"The Girls"- I just can't seem to maintain a friendship with them at all. My trust is always betrayed and it's always the same way. Everybody wants to eat off my plate, but when i'm hungry i don't search for scraps. I get my own.

I am so over this stalker business. It's going on a year! A f*ckin year! They had nothing else better to do with themselves. No job to look for, school to attend, love to find. Just time to put a frown on my face, and i won't give them the satisfaction. I''m not going to. Live your life and stop trying to destroy mine.

Saying "Bae" Is not cute!

Omg Omg OMG! I can't stand this new slang term. Who the hell came up with that word? "Bae"- It sounds you were too damn lazy to pronounce syllables! Was saying "Baby" too much of s stretch? I just gotta know?

I remember i heard my sister call her boyfriend that and I was like "what the hell is wrong with you? that ain't cute! learn some damn english!"- Seriously you sound ignorant! And I wouldn't have minded the word had it not spread like wild fire and everybody is now saying it. And then u just can't say it plain you got do a soft accent with it. I bet some of you guys who say that word and saying it right now just to hear what I am talking about! Shame on y'all!!!!!

Ugh! I can't stand that word at all! Jesus take the wheel and drive that word off a cliff! Hands down the creation of that word was a waste of time. I wrote about this yesterday on Facebook and 34 comments later i still can't stand the word. I even got the origins of the word. (I know what ur thinking...Yes, it originated from somewhere). Supposedly "bae" was a carribean term. W/e IDC! Return to sender b/c it sucks!

Things are coming along nicely. Me and my boo are adjusting to our new change. It's interesting b/c  now we have the chance to learn more about each other through observations. We're beyond the phone now. LOL! Since I don't blog as often on here I like to do as many as I can while I am on here. I'm still debating on going to school. I need to figure that out quickly so I can get this ball rolling.

I hope it isn't snowing when i go outside. I'm gonna be so pissed if it is. This is why I hate the winter time! F*ckin snow! Almost done with the Xmas shopping and i can't wait to be done with that. Hmmmmm I wish I had more to write but i guess this is all for now until i have another interesting topic to share. ttyl

Progress

"And then it comes to me...like an epiphany."

Sometimes the best lessons take the longest to learn. For the longest time I was waiting and moving in the direction of getting over the pain I went through with "Damn Fool". I have been living my life and I am in a good place. But yesterday I noticed I still had his number in my phone. I don't call it but if by chance that dummy ever gets my number and calls I can see it and ignore it. However I don't see the point in keeping his number in my phone. It serves no purpose. So I deleted it yesterday. I also deleted photos that I stored away of him. -No! I never looked at them. I put them there when I started my attempt to get over him. I put them somewhere I don't check often. Like once every 3 or months if i remember.

I imagined them as little ties to him that I was cutting. I did it and I'm not looking back. This is where I wanted to be in regards to the situation with "Damn Fool". I had hoped we could have been friends, but that didn't work out. But more importantly I wanted to be done. i didn't want to harbour those painful feelings anymore. I wanted to be done with the situation. I wanted to be another day wiser, richer, and stronger from the experience. I wanted to be happy again. And now...That's where I am.

Despite losing some friends along the way, and being stalked. I am better off now then I was back then when I was hurting. I did this on my own. I didn't use a man to rebound, and I didn't become a whore (not for a lack of trying though... lol). I tackled my feelings head on and now they can rest. It's over.

I won't look back. And I have no hopes of being with "Damn Fool" or talking to him ever again beyond a civil conversation if we ever bumped into each other by chance. The past is in the past, and I am in the present working on my future.  I finally have my closure. And as always I had to give it to myself.

The Latest

it sucks that I gotta be cryptic at times since the whole stalker drama but i will share with you guys as much as I can. good things are about to happen for me mainly b/c I am about to make them happen. I feel that this will be a step in a positive direction so wish me luck b/c i am excited and nervous. But I am sure I will do and be fine. I'm just trying to make sure i can get in where i fit in.

In other news. There was this guy who i chose not to have a friendship with b/c i gave him chance time and time again, and he let me down. I shall call him "Damn Fool". When i was going through all that heartache and blogging while saucy it was because of him. So because he couldn't be honest I decided that our friendship couldn't be salvaged. After he did keep doing the same sh*t over and over, but always found time to make me look like the bad guy.

Anywhoo I guess yesterday he saw my sister and said "How's my friend doing?" <--- WE AIN'T FRIENDS!!!!!!! I have went on with my life and asked you to do the same. Please do not find time now in your busy schedule to reflect on the one that got away b/c I am not checking for you at all! In fact when i think back to all the things I put up with behind his a**, I wonder why the hell i did!?!?!?! I knew better and I should have ran for the hills. And truthfully speaking I'm glad he passed me by. I deserved better and now I have it.

I told her next time he ask her that question she needs to look at him and say "Y'all ain't friends." and walk away. Plain and simple. Why would you even have the nerve to consider us friends? I was treated like anything but that. I hope "Damn Fool" doesn't make it a habit to ask about me b/c eventually my sister is gonna get rude about it.

I'm living, you should do the same....

Well I am off you guys! ttyl

Who am I to you?

Who am I to you?
Someone you can be proud of,
Am I ever good enough?

If my pants were baggy,
And I had no respect
Would you love me if I were a hustler?

Being me
Just isn't good enough
For you.

Not what you expected
Life is full of surprises
That you choose not to accept.

If I were more masculine,
And chased after the girls
Gave you grandbabies i'll never claim.

Objectify the girls
Then leave them
Embrace my "masculine" side.

Getting to the point
If I were straight
Would I have your approval?

I can't fit your stereotypes
Even though you'd like me to
I was born Me.

Farewell Love

Fall's wind blows through the trees,
And shows Autumn's true color
In this season of change,
I reflect on the old.

Looking back on what I went through
The dance that had to end
When the music stopped
So did our drama.

My heart I chose to mend
With aged eyes
I see more clearly
So Thankful you passed me by.

The blessing you knocked
I fell into another's life
If I never see you again
Deep down...Just know that I am happy.

Around this time....
my heart was broken
Around this time,
I cried.

Autum's changes sprung me forward
Making way for the new
Old love had to decay

Dear Mom,

I don't know your reasons,
But you feel justified
Feelings have evolved
Momma, you don't love me like you use to.

Somewhere between regret and obligations
You found your bitterness,
And a reason to excuse your behavior
Momma, when did you get to be so mean?

I use to be your light,
But now everything is dim
Sabotaging my future
So it can seem just like your's.

It was you who pulled the trigger
Mom, I didn't ask to be here
I'm not to blame for your choices
So don't point your hostility at me.

You placed the smoking gun into my hands
Looking for someone to blame
Someone to vent your frustrations on
Therapy for your burdened soul.

How you treat me isn't right
I'm sure you know...
Our relationship is on the rocks,
But do you care?

When the flames have settled
From the bridge you have burnt
Will you be happy when you are alone
Or will you expect me to still be standing on the other side?